Did the internet just collectively lose its mind over a corpse that’s still breathing? 💀
Your timeline exploded yesterday with “RIP Patrick Stewart” trending worldwide, complete with William Shatner’s surprisingly touching tribute: “Captain Picard stood for the best of us, and so did the man who played him.” Classy move from the original Kirk, honestly. But here’s the tea — Sir Patrick is 83, sipping tea in his Yorkshire estate, probably side-eyeing his phone wondering why everyone’s mourning him while he’s very much planning his next X-Men cameo.
The death hoax originated from one of those sketchy “news” sites that think “Satire” is a typo for “Breaking.” Within hours, Mark Hamill, Whoopi Goldberg, and even the official Star Trek account had posted heartfelt goodbyes to a man currently alive enough to roast them all on Twitter. Stewart himself hasn’t commented yet, but sources close to the actor say he’s “amused” and “considering charging admission to his own funeral.”
Fans are SPIRALING. One Trekkie tweeted: “I’ve watched ‘The Inner Light’ three times today and I’m not okay.” Another: “Data would calculate a 0.00% probability of this being real.” The best response? A photoshop of Picard facepalming with the caption: “Report: My death greatly exaggerated. Also, Earl Grey, hot.”
What do you think? A) Death hoaxes should be criminal offenses B) Shatner’s tribute was the only good thing to come from this mess