Think you’re ready for another season of spray tans, sequins, and questionable cha-chas from celebrities who haven’t been relevant since 2012?
ABC just dropped the theme night lineup for Dancing With the Stars Season 35, and honey, the producers are really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time. We’re talking Dedication Night — because nothing says “emotional vulnerability” like a C-list actor tearing up over their high school drama teacher while attempting a waltz. Then there’s Halloween Night, where the costume department will inevitably stuff someone in a sexy pumpkin getup and call it “artistry.” Sources say Disney Night is returning too, so prepare for another round of grown adults prancing around as Belle and the Beast while the judges pretend they’ve never seen it before.
Insiders whisper that ’90s Night and Viral Dance Night are also on the docket, which basically guarantees we’ll watch someone’s dad attempt the Renegade with zero rhythm. The real kicker? A brand-new “Taylor Swift Night” theme — because apparently the Eras Tour economy extends to ballroom now. Swifties are already camping in the comments section, and the BeyHive is reportedly furious they didn’t get a Renaissance Night first. Priorities, people.
Fan reaction has been… predictable. Twitter is split between “OMG DEDICATION NIGHT MAKES ME CRY EVERY YEAR” and “this show has been dead since Len left.” Reddit detectives have already doxxed the probable celebrity cast list, and let’s just say — if you thought last season’s roster was scraping the barrel, wait until you see who’s allegedly signing up for a quick paycheck and a spray tan addiction.
What do you think? A) Season 35 is gonna slay with these themes B) Cancel this show already and put us out of our misery