Is there ANYTHING more painful than watching a prestige historical drama that completely botches the assignment? Because honey, we just sat through “Young Washington” and we need to vent.
Look, we get it—you’re trying to give us the origin story of America’s founding father. Revolutionary! Groundbreaking! Literally! But this film? It’s about as inspiring as watching paint dry on Mount Vernon’s porch. The critics are being polite with their middling reviews, but let’s be real: this movie is a total MEH-sterpiece that had zero business being greenlit.
The cast is absolutely stacked with talent, which makes this whole situation even more tragic. You’ve got A-listers desperate to be taken seriously, throwing their star power into costume after costume, delivering lines about independence with all the passion of a DMV employee on a Tuesday afternoon. We’re not saying the performances are bad—we’re saying the material is THAT lifeless that even Oscar-caliber actors couldn’t save it.
The cinematography? Sure, it’s pretty. The costumes? Historically accurate. The dialogue? Absolutely GLACIAL. There are scenes that feel like they last longer than the actual Revolutionary War. We caught ourselves checking our phones, and frankly, the Instagram notifications were more entertaining than whatever was happening on screen.
What really gets us is the WASTED POTENTIAL. This is a chance to give us drama, intrigue, scandal—all the juicy stuff that actually happened! Instead, we get a paint-by-numbers biography that feels like it was written specifically to put insomniacs to sleep. The romance subplot? Painfully underdeveloped. The political intrigue? Duller than a butter knife. The stakes? Non-existent, despite literally being about the birth of a nation.
Social media is already dragging this thing, and honestly? The discourse is more entertaining than the actual film. History buffs are disappointed, casual moviegoers are confused, and we’re all sitting here wondering who thought this was Oscar-worthy.
The studio is desperately trying to frame this as “prestige cinema,” but sweetie, prestige requires actually engaging an audience. This film couldn’t engage a history class on its best day. Do yourself a favor and stream literally anything else this weekend.
What do you think? A) Skip it and watch Hamilton instead B) Give it a chance because you love historical dramas?